i've long ventured from the stream-of-consciousness type blogs on xanga. for whatever reason, myspace blogs seem more appropriate for those types of entries of which i am most proud of for their ambiguity and poetic, circularly-reasoning qualities. facebook notes have been the medium of open communication - i can spam it, post it, put it as the first thing to be seen via newsfeed. xanga though... it's gone from what i use myspace blogs for now to being truly an open avenue of where like-minded people view, lurk, occasionally comment, and constantly observe. proceed with caution, please.
maybe it's time to bring it back a little bit towards what it used to serve for me. i'm not entirely sure; i have a ton of silly parameters that go through my head every time i write any sort of blog. how should i punctuate? Should I write properly like this? no - the tone isn't as natural for me. Typing like this is too stiff, too aware of the public... not enough introspection. that's it. Introspect is a lacking characteristic, for me, when I write this way. i guess in my own brain i type in lowercase letters... and yet in moleskines abound, I handwrite like this. haha.
i'm also too verbose. people get exhausted from a simple glance at my blogs - sorry...! you're reading the words of a girl who can sit at a computer all day long googling the random things that enter her brain while keeping at least five tabs open in the browser at all times. for example, the google searches:
"history of wigs" [stemmed from a music history class; i've always wondered why wigs of such monstrosities were so popular];
"define: monstrosity" [to make sure it's an actual word]. as for the tabs... it's a series of dated blogs belonging to another random individual. people think i "know" a lot - the humble truth is that i observe human behavior and put my stalker qualities to good use. think dexter, but stalker - not serial killer. okay wait; that's an awful comparison. i think it's an awful comparison, anyway.
for the past three weeks, i haven't been able to do much except focus on the near-future. which is a huge problem, believe me - when i begin to plan for my dreams i lose sight of the present and the actions i must carry through in order to even reach the future. lost-in-dreamstate. oops. i think today is the first day i've been of any productive use in a long while. i'm quite proud of myself. high time for some local productivity, seeing as how i'm in "limbo" and every action i need to take has a certain executable time frame... and oh-blah. everything is just a waiting game, from one event to another...
i'm also proud that i've always been able to find happy compromises between my dreams and practicality. i need some grounds of practicality, given i can't even truly tell you what my dreams are just yet. i need to be at a better vantage point in order to see exactly what the options are, what roads exist. i just know the general direction of where i want to go - so let's take all the practicalities and capitalize on my knowledge of them. and then cook up some mean stew of shawnysuperbness. i guess i've always been good at realizing my own weaknesses and making workarounds for them.
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